isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
