I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize