Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
