party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
