Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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