After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
