I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
