and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
