Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
