Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
