Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
