Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
