she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
The power of my boobs compel you
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
