I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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