he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
