In the future we'll all be gay
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
They have beer where we have blood.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
