still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
