Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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