Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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