I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
