Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
