sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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