i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
