In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
