you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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