i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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