We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
