Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
