The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
