would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
