I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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