You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
