Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
