Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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