You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
