So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Randomize
