Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
She's like a pop up book from hell.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
