i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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