I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
