Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
