I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Randomize
