I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
