I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
is that a dick in a sweater?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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