How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
