Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize