I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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