Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
