People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
me + whiskey = a bad person
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Randomize
