so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
