a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
