If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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