Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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