why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
