i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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