How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize