There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
