maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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