Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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