ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize