well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i just made my gag reflex go away.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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