i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize