Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
