He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
