I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
