...so i touched it.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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