Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
