I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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